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Student Story
hot. I looked up to see her tears
begin to rage. All the sensitivity I
had gotten vanished and then
anger kicked in. “Say something,
please, God, say something.
Anything! You won’t speak
and you won’t eat; you’re wither-
ing away! Belle, for God’s sake,
do something!”
“I want to talk to my husband,”
I stated, “I will talk to him. I’d
like to talk to him.”
“Belle, I understand this is
hard for you. Justin is no longer
with us, babe. Please understand,
Belle, he’s not here.”
“You’re not funny, Sarah. You
must understand, my husband is
in the war. He’s just away. He’ll
be back. He wrote me this letter;
I opened it, he’s being sent back
here. He should be here now.”
“Listen to me, Belle. That’s the
letter regarding his death. Your
husband was a brave soldier of
our country, but with war comes
a price. Your husband is home,
sweetie. We watched his flag-
covered coffin as it lowered to its
place of rest...”
“Stop saying that! You’re lying!
It’s not funny anymore! Where is
my husband?”
“Your husband is dead, Belle!
Your husband isn’t here! Your
husband is in God’s house
now and you’re in denial! You
watched the funeral! You were in
the church! You sat there stone
cold!”
“He’s not gone! He can’t be
gone!”
“Honey, he’s not gone forever,
he’s just... with God.”
Suddenly, I felt every emotion
that I hadn’t felt since I was six
years old pushing on the back
of my eyes. I felt guilt weighing
down my stomach and sorrow
stabbing at my heart. I felt rage
throbbing in my head and my
thoughts spewing out my mouth.
I could not stay quiet anymore. I
would not.
“Stop mentioning God, Sarah.
Stop! God doesn’t exist! There is
no God out there for people like
me. We’re the lost, the forgotten...
we give and give and all He does
is take away! Explain to me this:
If your God is out there, then
why does everyone around me
keep dying? First my parents,
then this? I finally learn to love
again, then this? Do you remem-
ber, Sarah? Do you remember
waiting for your parents to
come home? Do you remember
hearing that they were hurt? Or
going to the hospital? Or being
too late? Do you remember late
nights just crying sitting up in an
orphanage, cold and alone? Do
you remember how you swore
that you would never let yourself
hurt the way you did then? No,
Sarah. You don’t. But I do. And
finally, after all you have been
through you learn to love again.
Happily ever after? Then a bomb
is dropped on your life and kills
the only hope you had to love
again. And you expect me to
believe that there is some being
sitting in the sky wishing us good
fortune and helping us through
bad times? Then, tell your God to
find me, because, honestly Sarah,
there is no reason for me to be
here. Everything I love has been
taken from me. Explain that.”
Sarah sat there, silent. She was
burned by my words; I could see
it in her eyes. She just
sat there and... cried. Inside,
she was searching, desperately
searching for words, but simply
could not find them. She turned
away as she noticed I was strug-
gling at the sight of her. Physi-
cally, Sarah had changed. Her
confident, cheery disposition had
receded into this... this child, with
her innocent eyes unable to hide
the pain she was feeling. She tried
to speak, and finally, she did.
“Everyone you love has died,
Belle? Everyone? What about me?
What about Mom? What about
our Dad and our brothers? What
about your friends, Belle?”
“I don’t have friends...”
“Bull crap. People love you. So
many people love you and you
will never know because you
simply will not give them the
time of day. You cut yourself out
of society, distancing yourself
from everyone and anyone will-
ing to talk to you. You don’t love
anything or anyone, and I know
it’s because you try your very
best not to love at all. You are al-
ways cold and distant. But, Belle,
listen to me. For once, listen!
People out there are willing to
help you and listen to you. They
want the best for you, believe it
or not. God is giving you oppor-
tunities to get to know Him and
you... you’re avoiding them. He
wants to help you, so stop being
stuck-up and self-centered. Give
the world a chance. Say a prayer.
And, for once, maybe you will
actually feel happiness and peace
at mind.”
Sarah turned and left the room.
The room spun and my head
ached. I was confused... I didn’t
know what to believe. My soul
yearned for something hopeful to
hang onto, but I was too stubborn
to find it all these years. I wanted
to be mad at the world and ended
up mad at myself. I wanted to
apologize to my sister and thank
her for all of the years she had
been there for me... but there was
only one way to do that.
I got down on my knees, fold-
ed my hands, bowed my head
and prayed, the way I did every
night with my parents when I
was six years old and finally...
finally, I felt peace .