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thePeorian.com
WEDLOCKED: A MEMOIR
By Jay Ponteri
156
pages, Hawthorne Press
Over the past couple of years
I’ve written dozens of book
reviews for our magazine, web-
site and now-defunct TV show.
Writing about other’s books is
something I find quite easy (for
better or worse). But I found writ-
ing about this particular book –
“
Wedlocked” by Jay Ponteri – to
be a bit of a struggle.
It’s not because of the way
the book is written. It’s written
quite well. Ponteri is a seasoned
writer and it shows as he deftly
moves between straight narra-
tive and evocative prose. It’s not
because of the subject matter – an
intensely personal memoir about
a married man yearning to be
known and loved by women oth-
er than his wife (I’ve never been
married, thank God). It’s because
for the first time – and for what
might be the only time in my life
–
the author is an old, dear friend
and many of the memories he re-
counts I recall as well. It made for
an odd, wonderful and poignant
reading experience.
Jay Ponteri and I grew up in
Mishawaka, Ind., a little north-
ern town next door to South
Bend. Although I don’t have any
distinct memories of the first time
we met, we had a lot in com-
mon and became fast friends. We
were both on the tennis team and
heavily involved in high school
journalism, in particular our high
school paper. I spent a significant
amount of time at his home dur-
ing those years, especially during
the summer months.
Between tennis and journalism
we spent a lot of time together
and made many a road trip: to
Kansas City for a journalism con-
vention, to Chicago for White Sox
and Cubs games, to Fort Wayne,
Ind., to hang out with other high
school journalist/friends and
many, many times to Ball State
University in Muncie, Ind., where
I continued my journalistic en-
deavors post high school.
Jay, who was a year behind me
in school, attended Marquette
University and after college grad-
uation we both went our separate
ways – he to the great Portlandia
and I to the small, character-filled
Midwestern towns. Like old
friends are wont to do, we fell out
of contact for many years – nearly
20 –
until we crossed paths once
again last year on the place where
Faces get Booked. And surprise,
surprise, we’re both writers and
he was about to give birth to a
memoir. Now, let’s get to it.
“
I recall thinking that I would marry
at some point. I never questioned it.”
-
page 136
“
Wedlocked” covers what
honestly is well-worn territory
on the American literary scene. A
man is in an unfulfilling marriage
and imagines/engages in an affair
with a much younger women
who seems to appreciate the
depth of his experience. But to
pigeonhole Ponteri’s memoir in
such a way would be dishonest,
the major reason being Ponteri’s
non-traditional approach to the
narrative. He combines conven-
tional storytelling with intense
personal essays and poetic prose
in order to examine the concept
of life-long love.
“…
this silence about marriage in our
culture is hurting so many of us, leav-
ing us alone and blame-filled. We are
not so good at marriage, America.”
-
page 26
We are not good at it indeed.
Now, this isn’t some middle-
aged man-child going through
a midlife crisis only to find that
true love comes from blah, blah,
blah. This, my friends, is NOT a
feel good book or a road map for
couples who are struggling. This
is life and love in the raw, about
a troubled marriage (by the way,
did I mention his wife is an old
friend too?) and a very introspec-
tive man’s ruminations on love,
sex (sometimes in explicit detail)
and the idea that “married man
suggests a man who cannot love
another woman, a man doomed
to loneliness.”
“
Let’s shatter the opaque glass, let’s
squeeze the shards into juice and
drink it from the leaking cups of our
bare hands.”
-
page 26
That’s exactly what Ponteri
does in this memoir. Here’s a
quick breakdown of the story:
Jay and his lovely wife have what
appears to be a normal, loving
marriage complete with pug dogs
and a child on the way. However,
Jay finds himself infatuated with
another woman but instead of in-
stigating an affair, he writes a se-
cret manuscript about his feelings
towards this woman. As is the
case with all secret manuscripts,
it falls into the wrong hands: his
wife’s. This leads to what one
might call “marital problems.”
After the discovery, Jay takes us
through the back story of their
relationship, going back to Jay’s
college days and leading up to
the present. In the end, the story
really is about two struggles: one
about a couple trying to keep
their marriage together (a mar-
riage they both truly want) and
another, personal, internal struggle
the writer himself faces regarding
love, devotion and depression.
